Is there a single pagan out there who doesn't have a evangelical Christian somewhere in their family, that either keeps them in them broom closet for years, or creates some on-earth hell to pay once the Big Reveal occurs?
My husband comes to mind, but then, he's got in-laws now.
Given the ubiquitousness of the issue, the level of the dialogue on it always kind of surprises me. We've got two major types of journalism on it:
1) How to handle The Conversation(s). Tips include calmness, talking points like An' Harm It None, a few basic bullet-pointed articles to "leave around the house", etc, and how to end a conversation fairly quickly without telling Related So-and-So that it's their hell, they can go burn in it. Everyone reading this knows what I'm talking about - it comes front-loaded in every Barnes and Nobles pagan book ever . The first one I ever read was the intro to Teen Witch, Silver Ravenwolf.
2) The personal story. We've all read these too - people who got thrown out, or didn't, and fights, conversations, the few family members who didn't knee-jerk, the explosive results of the one who did. Where The Conversation articles are focused outwardly, with generic advice of various degrees of helpfulness, the Personal Story is deeply personal - inward turned, cathartically based, and...frequently focused on how much worse it was for the author than everybody else. Ouch. They're sympathetic, but only up to a certain point.
I literally can't count the number of times the Personal Story, as a conversation among pagans, has turned into a pissing match. It's a badge of pagan cred for some people, which I just find bizarre .
Now, fairly obviously, this article is inspired by my own recent encounter. My Grandmother (last one to know, and just found out less than 6 months ago, prior to my hand-fasting) has apparently taken the inestimable words of Sarah Palin to heart, and has decided to reload rather than retreat. Which brought all sorts of things to the surface - namely, this gap in the pagan community where Christian family is involved. We've got the initial conversation, and guidelines on how to peacefully handle subsequent ugly conversations (boils down to A - yell until you get thrown out or B - leave.) What about the aftermath?
Those days afterwards, where I'm boiling and stewing. It doesn't matter if I handled the actual conversation fairly well (I did), or what it was about (lets not go there) - there's literally days of recovery, where I'm angry, and blind, and there's just poison seeping through my veins that I'm not sure how to get rid of.
I can't be the only pagan who feels like this after talking to Auntie Jesus.
Why isn't there more advice out there on how to calm the hell down after you did (or didn't do) the mature, adult thing? Now, all those cathartic personal stories come pretty much directly out of this phase - hell, I'm trying not to write one right now - but they don't really help anyone but the writer. They trend directly into triumphant defiance, "Well, I'm still pagan, and they can't stop me!", which is good for the end of the week, but...
I'm looking for understanding here. Some phase in between gearing up and coming down: "Yeah. This sucks. We've been there. And it's never going to go away, but you'll manage anyway. Try ice cream." Because we've all been there, and we don't want to talk about. It's painful. It hurts, worse than a breakup, to have these people you've known and loved since you were a little proto-pagan turn on you. Or maybe stand silently by while someone you've never liked or loved does the same. Of course most of the stories on it are so deeply personal - who could stay rational in the face of something like that?
The people who got thrown out completely don't exactly have it easy either - it doesn't matter how long it's been, there's always something that pulls you back in after a few years. Even once they've numbed out the rejection, someone gets sick. Or loses their job. Needs support, and then someone is navigating the treacherous waters of how far to trust that they aren't letting themselves in for another round of hate and bile by offering that support.
So how do you handle it? How do you get back to some kind of equilibrium, or peace? Now personally, for me it boils down to either exercise, or alcohol. Last night I picked exercise. Alcohol will probably feature in this weekend somewhere. I could do a ritual, but it smacks a little too much of teenaged defiance to be effective, personally.
As I said, I can't be the only person who finds the three days after talking to Cousin Born-Again full of anger and imbalance.
And the holiday season is coming. First Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and New Year's, and Easter. I haven't been able to hit November without an ulcer in years , totally unrelated to being pagan and definitely related to family, and I really can't afford to have a three month hangover this year. I have a grown-up job now.
A little help here, please?
Blessed Be,
Pennanti
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