The autumnal equinox has been a little hare-brained for me this year. Most Official Celebrating is likely to happen this weekend, for one thing. Eh, my entire family has always had a loose definition of things like holidays and dates. Comes with the divorced thing - Christmas happens on the 25th...and on the 28th....and maybe on the 1st, once you throw grandparents into the mix.
Yesterday, I took my sister out to dinner, because she's leaving for a job in Florida today. I did toast, and quietly gave her the cliff notes of Mabon and King Arthur. I told her that Mabon (at least for me) is a holiday of growth through sacrifice - you eat, and celebrate, but you also quietly put away things for winter coming and prepare for the cold. I fairly seamlessly slid that into what she's doing right now - she's very family oriented, but she's moving away from everyone to jumpstart her career. I understand! I just thought the timing was fortuitous.
Naturally, she took offense. Oh well. For those who don't know my sister, she dabbled in paganism when she was younger, and mostly doesn't know what she believes now. She's just as likely in times of stress to hit up a church with a friend OR take out her favorite quartz stones, light a candle, and say a prayer to Brigid for guidance. So I'm not exactly coming out of left field with myth tellings or anything.
I do solemnly swear, though, that sometime this weekend I'm going to take pictures of our fall decorations, our feast, and probably our altar, and put them up! It's time I figured out how to upload pictures into Blogger anyway.
Let the autumn tiding commence - Samhain is my favorite (right near my birthday) and I'm already starting to get excited.
Blessed Be,
Pennanti
P.S. Taun-Taun, I'm going to need your help, hubby. Remind me to get my camera uploaded!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Monday Morning Rant: Pagan Cred Is Ridiculous
Let's talk about pagan cred. Because it's ridiculous, and there's way too much of it out there.
First, let's define pagan cred. This is a quality, measured by the insecure and dictatorial, that defines how 'pagan' you are. It's generally measured by other people, but there are things that can be done to beef it up, or if caught short, decrease it. Of course, anyone that actually cares is not going to call it this. They're going to complain about how "serious" someone is as a pagan, or talk about how "experienced" they are in whatever realm.
And there's also nothing more obnoxious than accidentally walking into a pagan cred pissing match with someone.
Now, the first time that happened to me, I A) never saw it coming, and B) it happened over email, which was a good thing for my response time.
I was running Pagan Student Union at my SUNY school, and it was nearing the end of the year, when I got an email from a transfer student for the next semester, inquiring about the club. Neat! She seemed interested in being very involved....a little too involved, actually, considering she offered to take the club over for me, sight unseen, because of her previous experience at her old school. Just in case the pressure and time was a little too intense for me, you understand.
I responded pretty much right off the bat, letting her know we were active, we met once a week, we focused on this that and the other. Also, that we had lots of opportunities for involvement....which did not involve me quitting out of the blue.
What I got back: "You know, hun, I've been talking to lots of elders in your area about this club, and there's a lot of work that needs to be done. You might not be up to the necessary leadership, but don't worry, I'm a Leo and we're very good at this kind of thing!"
Um. What.
Thank all gods for email. I took about two days, but asked her very nicely who she'd been talking to, what did she mean by "elder", and reiterated the idea, a little more plainly, that I was not stepping down based on two emails from a complete stranger.
Apparently, "elder" meant "anyone who's been a practicing pagan for 10 years or more." I did a quick count on my fingers and realized that, at 18, I was only 3 years short of being an elder. Cool! No one ever told me that before! (Where's a punctuation mark that means 'sarcasm' when you need one?) Hell, I was gonna make elder before I made legal drinking age!
What a load of utter crap. I can't even remember what I responded after that, but I think it was along the lines of "Well, we'll meet you next year, have a good summer", and then spent the whole summer slamming my face into a wall whenever I thought about it. (As a side note, karma is a BITCH - she moved down early, accidentally made friends with MY friends (non-pagans, small world), and then the housing authority randomly assigned her to live in my suite. I wish I was kidding.)
But this was, definitively, the first time I'd run into someone who was obsessed with cred. What you read, how often you read it, how long you'd been around, how much jewelry you owned - the list of things you could say or do to affect your rep as told by her was positively astonishing. But working with her, casually, for a year definitely helped prepare me to run into others.
Now, I have a few ways of dealing with it, dependent on situation.
1) You are talking to a new group that you are thinking about joining. Pissing match begins - well, we do this, and that, and if you don't, you don't count, also, we might not want you anyway since you're not serious enough. This is different than a polite "We seem to practice in different directions, maybe you should try Other Group for a better fit." The difference is - Are they sneering? If yes, it's about pagan cred. In this case, there's one easy, workable option. Leave. And never come back.
I like to hope that social Darwinism will help kill these little groups across time and space whenever I take my own advice on this.
2) You have just discovered a co-worker or other faint acquaintance is pagan! They start peppering you with questions, with a specific bend.
Frequently, you can give these people enough rope to hang themselves, which is nice. Last year, a nice older Wiccan walked right into it with queries on what I believed, how I practiced, etc, until she gave me a sympathetic little smile and said, "Well, dear, I've been practicing for 4 years now. How long have you been pagan?" "12 years." She never brought time or experience up again.
Patently, I'm not an elder. I'm 24. Someone needed to tell this woman that, though, and I was irritated enough that it wasn't going to be me. Regardless, my standard practice with the faint acquaintance who wants to flex pagan cred, is to let them talk until they accidentally get rude and shame themselves into shutting up, or at least being more polite. It works better than you'd think.
3) You are talking to someone, not group affiliated, and not someone you work with or is otherwise unavoidable. You get some leeway here.
• Do they honestly know more than you? Might be ok to let them blather on a bit before you walk away. Worst case scenario, you get some good book recs before getting so annoyed you roll your eyes and extricate.
• Are they up front, right out rude? Tell 'em to shove it. Fortunately, it doesn't happen often.
Of course, most of the pagan creditors fall into two camps; insecure eclectics and Reconstructionists of various flavors. It's not all reconstructionists that annoy the hell out of me...just the ones that tell me I'm doing it wrong. Hey, I'm not claiming to be practicing something from hundreds and thousands of years ago. I am quite up front that I am making up half this shit as I go along. The only part I'm doing wrong is giving the impression I care what other people have to say on the matter...if they're rude about it, anyway.
I've always wondered - do Obnoxious Reconstructionists ever realize how close they sound to Christian Fundies? Research is one thing, worthy of respect. Telling everyone around that they know what they're doing because they've studied the Eddas/Bhagavitas/Bible more intently than you is sort of a multi-religion pain in the ass.
With this post, I'm pretty sure anyone with "standards" who ever reads this will flee my blog forever. I'm ok with that.
Blessed Be,
Pennanti
First, let's define pagan cred. This is a quality, measured by the insecure and dictatorial, that defines how 'pagan' you are. It's generally measured by other people, but there are things that can be done to beef it up, or if caught short, decrease it. Of course, anyone that actually cares is not going to call it this. They're going to complain about how "serious" someone is as a pagan, or talk about how "experienced" they are in whatever realm.
And there's also nothing more obnoxious than accidentally walking into a pagan cred pissing match with someone.
Now, the first time that happened to me, I A) never saw it coming, and B) it happened over email, which was a good thing for my response time.
I was running Pagan Student Union at my SUNY school, and it was nearing the end of the year, when I got an email from a transfer student for the next semester, inquiring about the club. Neat! She seemed interested in being very involved....a little too involved, actually, considering she offered to take the club over for me, sight unseen, because of her previous experience at her old school. Just in case the pressure and time was a little too intense for me, you understand.
I responded pretty much right off the bat, letting her know we were active, we met once a week, we focused on this that and the other. Also, that we had lots of opportunities for involvement....which did not involve me quitting out of the blue.
What I got back: "You know, hun, I've been talking to lots of elders in your area about this club, and there's a lot of work that needs to be done. You might not be up to the necessary leadership, but don't worry, I'm a Leo and we're very good at this kind of thing!"
Um. What.
Thank all gods for email. I took about two days, but asked her very nicely who she'd been talking to, what did she mean by "elder", and reiterated the idea, a little more plainly, that I was not stepping down based on two emails from a complete stranger.
Apparently, "elder" meant "anyone who's been a practicing pagan for 10 years or more." I did a quick count on my fingers and realized that, at 18, I was only 3 years short of being an elder. Cool! No one ever told me that before! (Where's a punctuation mark that means 'sarcasm' when you need one?) Hell, I was gonna make elder before I made legal drinking age!
What a load of utter crap. I can't even remember what I responded after that, but I think it was along the lines of "Well, we'll meet you next year, have a good summer", and then spent the whole summer slamming my face into a wall whenever I thought about it. (As a side note, karma is a BITCH - she moved down early, accidentally made friends with MY friends (non-pagans, small world), and then the housing authority randomly assigned her to live in my suite. I wish I was kidding.)
But this was, definitively, the first time I'd run into someone who was obsessed with cred. What you read, how often you read it, how long you'd been around, how much jewelry you owned - the list of things you could say or do to affect your rep as told by her was positively astonishing. But working with her, casually, for a year definitely helped prepare me to run into others.
Now, I have a few ways of dealing with it, dependent on situation.
1) You are talking to a new group that you are thinking about joining. Pissing match begins - well, we do this, and that, and if you don't, you don't count, also, we might not want you anyway since you're not serious enough. This is different than a polite "We seem to practice in different directions, maybe you should try Other Group for a better fit." The difference is - Are they sneering? If yes, it's about pagan cred. In this case, there's one easy, workable option. Leave. And never come back.
I like to hope that social Darwinism will help kill these little groups across time and space whenever I take my own advice on this.
2) You have just discovered a co-worker or other faint acquaintance is pagan! They start peppering you with questions, with a specific bend.
Frequently, you can give these people enough rope to hang themselves, which is nice. Last year, a nice older Wiccan walked right into it with queries on what I believed, how I practiced, etc, until she gave me a sympathetic little smile and said, "Well, dear, I've been practicing for 4 years now. How long have you been pagan?" "12 years." She never brought time or experience up again.
Patently, I'm not an elder. I'm 24. Someone needed to tell this woman that, though, and I was irritated enough that it wasn't going to be me. Regardless, my standard practice with the faint acquaintance who wants to flex pagan cred, is to let them talk until they accidentally get rude and shame themselves into shutting up, or at least being more polite. It works better than you'd think.
3) You are talking to someone, not group affiliated, and not someone you work with or is otherwise unavoidable. You get some leeway here.
• Do they honestly know more than you? Might be ok to let them blather on a bit before you walk away. Worst case scenario, you get some good book recs before getting so annoyed you roll your eyes and extricate.
• Are they up front, right out rude? Tell 'em to shove it. Fortunately, it doesn't happen often.
Of course, most of the pagan creditors fall into two camps; insecure eclectics and Reconstructionists of various flavors. It's not all reconstructionists that annoy the hell out of me...just the ones that tell me I'm doing it wrong. Hey, I'm not claiming to be practicing something from hundreds and thousands of years ago. I am quite up front that I am making up half this shit as I go along. The only part I'm doing wrong is giving the impression I care what other people have to say on the matter...if they're rude about it, anyway.
I've always wondered - do Obnoxious Reconstructionists ever realize how close they sound to Christian Fundies? Research is one thing, worthy of respect. Telling everyone around that they know what they're doing because they've studied the Eddas/Bhagavitas/Bible more intently than you is sort of a multi-religion pain in the ass.
With this post, I'm pretty sure anyone with "standards" who ever reads this will flee my blog forever. I'm ok with that.
Blessed Be,
Pennanti
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Leadership Roles and Imposter Syndrome
A couple of podcasts have recently talked about leadership of pagan groups - about feeling unqualified, even while attempting to lead, and associated issues.
This is an interesting thing for me to think about, if only because it's never once occurred to me before. Which incidentally also makes me wonder about my bad person potential.
I take leadership roles almost by default, in pagan groups and in other areas of my life. I don't think I'm pushy, or demanding. I've certainly never had a problem where there's an established authority taking care of business. But in, say, a group of friends talking the endless circle of "What do you want to do? I dunno. What do you want to do?" I pretty much immediately make a decision - "I want to watch Iron Man. Let's do that."
Sometimes everyone shrugs and goes with it. Sometimes someone gets all "Well, why do we have to do what you want to do?" to which I'll reply, "Because no one else would make a choice." If it annoys them enough, they start voicing their actual preference. I do this because the two outcomes are either A) People start being honest, and none of the false social modesty crap or B) We always do what I want. It's kinda a win for me no matter what.
Similarly, where people start waffling in general....if I think I have a right to a say, I'll say it. And this lands me in leadership positions regularly. I'll tell the boss what I think should be done, if she asks. I'll tell a group how I would do it. I tell pagan friends how I practice and why. If they ask.
And it never occurs to me to doubt myself. Reading this over, I'm pretty sure half the internet already hates me, and I'm going over past scenes asking myself "Was I being a pushy bitch?", but I don't think I am. I wait for people to ask. I wait for there to be a vacancy, so to speak, before throwing myself into it. And once I'm there, I try really, really hard to be worthy of that.
In running Pagan Student Union, that meant the unusual tactic of actually listening to what club members wanted to do. They wanted to sit in a room once a week and bullshit about various topics. They were totally on board with me setting the order of topics, as long as I had a topic suggestion meeting once a year. They did NOT want to: plan a ritual every month, engage in pagan politics, do any community awareness that involved their mandatory attendance (though most would float by for a few minutes when I set up a table at some event or another), do any field trips aside from a fall camping event, or anything complicated enough to require going through campus bureaucracy for funds.
One of the reasons the club was falling apart before I took over, and then promptly fell apart after I left, is that this was apparently a legitimately different "leadership style". People who stepped in had a very strong idea of what they wanted the club to be, and were determined to set that in motion....as though the members would show up and do what they said no matter what.
I stepped in because there were only 4 members in my freshman year, the president was leaving, and the remaining people didn't want to do it. This is the only time I doubted myself - we agreed to a "dual presidency", where I would sign all the paperwork and Snarky would help me run the club, as he'd been a member for a couple years. I didn't think I was qualified by myself - I was only a freshman, after all.
This was a mistake. Snarky and his teammate Wimpy proceeded to undercut me at every available moment, on very general things like "Hey, I'm going to put up some posters, anyone want to help?" (I would have taken 'no' for an answer. Seriously.) Until one day, three weeks in, with a good 5 or 6 new people in the room, I tried to pull us back on topic. (I think we'd degenerated to something celebrity-related) Wimpy retorted, "We don't have to, Snarky is President too!", and I snarled "Not anymore!"
"What?!"
"I signed the papers. I put my name on everything. I put up the posters. I did the work. I'm the president of this club, you're the vice-president, and we can go back to topic now."
Ok, fine, pushy bitch moment. Snarky and Wimpy didn't have a word to say, though. And I stopped doubting myself as a leader.
Being the leader of a group doesn't need to involve knowing more than anyone else. You don't need to be a legitimate authority to the highest level. You need to have an idea of the purpose of the group, and try to husband that group. That can mean taking on administrative tasks to let more time for people who know more about a topic than you. It can mean passing those tasks off to a volunteer when it is really time for you to teach. And it really means knowing when you have something of worth to say and when you don't. I can think of a dozen people who are experts on different topics, and have no desire at all to lead a group. A good leader would tell these people, "Come in. Hang with us. I'll take care of the politics."
I'm good at teaching people when it's time to tell experts to shove it. Most pagans don't need too much help there, which is nice. I'm good at helping people who are just starting. I've got some good background in celtic and norse mythology and tradition, though I'm not an expert by any means. I've got a shallow, but broad, knowledge of a lot of areas and styles - just enough to direct someone in a direction if they're looking.
And I think this makes me qualified to run a beginner's group. Probably qualified to join a not-beginner's group. If I was part of a fairly advanced study group for a while, and the leader left, I would feel ok with taking over if no one else wanted to do that. Because dammit, organizing people and places is something I'm good at.
Still, every time someone else ponders "Imposter Syndrome", I wonder why I don't have it, and if I come off a lot pushier and bossier than I think I do.
Blessed Be,
Pennanti
This is an interesting thing for me to think about, if only because it's never once occurred to me before. Which incidentally also makes me wonder about my bad person potential.
I take leadership roles almost by default, in pagan groups and in other areas of my life. I don't think I'm pushy, or demanding. I've certainly never had a problem where there's an established authority taking care of business. But in, say, a group of friends talking the endless circle of "What do you want to do? I dunno. What do you want to do?" I pretty much immediately make a decision - "I want to watch Iron Man. Let's do that."
Sometimes everyone shrugs and goes with it. Sometimes someone gets all "Well, why do we have to do what you want to do?" to which I'll reply, "Because no one else would make a choice." If it annoys them enough, they start voicing their actual preference. I do this because the two outcomes are either A) People start being honest, and none of the false social modesty crap or B) We always do what I want. It's kinda a win for me no matter what.
Similarly, where people start waffling in general....if I think I have a right to a say, I'll say it. And this lands me in leadership positions regularly. I'll tell the boss what I think should be done, if she asks. I'll tell a group how I would do it. I tell pagan friends how I practice and why. If they ask.
And it never occurs to me to doubt myself. Reading this over, I'm pretty sure half the internet already hates me, and I'm going over past scenes asking myself "Was I being a pushy bitch?", but I don't think I am. I wait for people to ask. I wait for there to be a vacancy, so to speak, before throwing myself into it. And once I'm there, I try really, really hard to be worthy of that.
In running Pagan Student Union, that meant the unusual tactic of actually listening to what club members wanted to do. They wanted to sit in a room once a week and bullshit about various topics. They were totally on board with me setting the order of topics, as long as I had a topic suggestion meeting once a year. They did NOT want to: plan a ritual every month, engage in pagan politics, do any community awareness that involved their mandatory attendance (though most would float by for a few minutes when I set up a table at some event or another), do any field trips aside from a fall camping event, or anything complicated enough to require going through campus bureaucracy for funds.
One of the reasons the club was falling apart before I took over, and then promptly fell apart after I left, is that this was apparently a legitimately different "leadership style". People who stepped in had a very strong idea of what they wanted the club to be, and were determined to set that in motion....as though the members would show up and do what they said no matter what.
I stepped in because there were only 4 members in my freshman year, the president was leaving, and the remaining people didn't want to do it. This is the only time I doubted myself - we agreed to a "dual presidency", where I would sign all the paperwork and Snarky would help me run the club, as he'd been a member for a couple years. I didn't think I was qualified by myself - I was only a freshman, after all.
This was a mistake. Snarky and his teammate Wimpy proceeded to undercut me at every available moment, on very general things like "Hey, I'm going to put up some posters, anyone want to help?" (I would have taken 'no' for an answer. Seriously.) Until one day, three weeks in, with a good 5 or 6 new people in the room, I tried to pull us back on topic. (I think we'd degenerated to something celebrity-related) Wimpy retorted, "We don't have to, Snarky is President too!", and I snarled "Not anymore!"
"What?!"
"I signed the papers. I put my name on everything. I put up the posters. I did the work. I'm the president of this club, you're the vice-president, and we can go back to topic now."
Ok, fine, pushy bitch moment. Snarky and Wimpy didn't have a word to say, though. And I stopped doubting myself as a leader.
Being the leader of a group doesn't need to involve knowing more than anyone else. You don't need to be a legitimate authority to the highest level. You need to have an idea of the purpose of the group, and try to husband that group. That can mean taking on administrative tasks to let more time for people who know more about a topic than you. It can mean passing those tasks off to a volunteer when it is really time for you to teach. And it really means knowing when you have something of worth to say and when you don't. I can think of a dozen people who are experts on different topics, and have no desire at all to lead a group. A good leader would tell these people, "Come in. Hang with us. I'll take care of the politics."
I'm good at teaching people when it's time to tell experts to shove it. Most pagans don't need too much help there, which is nice. I'm good at helping people who are just starting. I've got some good background in celtic and norse mythology and tradition, though I'm not an expert by any means. I've got a shallow, but broad, knowledge of a lot of areas and styles - just enough to direct someone in a direction if they're looking.
And I think this makes me qualified to run a beginner's group. Probably qualified to join a not-beginner's group. If I was part of a fairly advanced study group for a while, and the leader left, I would feel ok with taking over if no one else wanted to do that. Because dammit, organizing people and places is something I'm good at.
Still, every time someone else ponders "Imposter Syndrome", I wonder why I don't have it, and if I come off a lot pushier and bossier than I think I do.
Blessed Be,
Pennanti
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Saying Grace and other acts of social awkwardness
I'm babysitting the office phone right now, because one of our secretaries is out on maternity leave, and the other needs someone to cover her breaks and lunches. Today it's my turn.
Said secretary has the Christian rock turned up, and every single piece of personal paraphanelia on her desk involves the word "God" on it somewhere. I just checked.
Does it make me a bad person if I feel really uncomfortable sitting here?
I don't want to be one of those people that throws tantrums and makes everybody else uncomfortable. When I arrived at work two x-mases ago, someone had put up little pictures on everyone's overheads in my department. You know, trees, stars, presents. I had a church. I quietly asked one of my coworkers if I could switch with them, since I wasn't Christian. They cheerfully did, so I had a tree with a star instead of a church. She must've told somebody, because later the Head Decorator came over to me quietly as well, asking urgently if I wanted them to take all the decorations down because they weren't allowed to make anyone feel uncomfortable with holiday stuff.
I told them no, of course not! I love Christmas as much as (and occasionally more than) the next person. I don't care if the little cartoon church is on somebody else's overhead bin. I just don't want it staring down at me on mine.
So, how much of this vague twitchiness is from my stated witchiness? And how much from my upbringing? Would I feel like this if it was a proud Jewish employee's desk I was sitting at? A Muslim's?
I don't think so. I only get uneasy when forcibly confronted with devout Christianity. And I'm not sure how justified that is.
I worry that I'll accidentally pass this on to my (hypothetical) kids, and I really don't want to.
Do I judge people I don't know when I see them wearing a cross? Possibly a little bit, in a "Be careful as you get to know them " kind of way. I know I judge people if they're wearing a cross, jesus earrings, and a giant t-shirt with the Lord's Prayer on it, but I think I get a pass on that because I judge pentacles the size of coasters in a similar way. "Look out, possible Crazy over here". It's like a little neon sign, when someone throws that much of their visual identity into their religious one.
Taun-taun has the same reaction to Orthodox Jewish folks, for much the same reason. Being raised in or tangentially related to a religion that's later rejected seems to have a hyper-sensitizing effect.
Visiting family this weekend, also brought this vague discomfort to the surface. Mind you, this is the family that I like and spend time with on purpose! The parents know I'm pagan, though there's a DADT policy in my family and no one has once asked me about it. I'm under the impression that the older cousins (13, 15) have been told to not talk about it. The younger ones know they aren't supposed to, but will sometimes bring it up around the edges. Quietly bowing my head during grace, for example. "Do you say a different grace?" "Yes." "Oh..." {hopeful pause for more forthcoming} This is the first time the 11-yr-old has been sitting next to me close enough to ask something - though I know he's noticed before. The next night, "I know it probably sounds a lot like evil chanting, but it's just what my family does!" He says it really defensively. {Insert me trying really hard not to laugh} "Oh, I know it's what you guys do. It's ok."
I can't tell if he wants to ask more, or if my discomfort is just that visible.
Also, I'd like to stop and chuckle again for just a second, at my cousin describing his own family's grace as "sounds like evil chanting".
Mostly, my point here is, I hope someday I get over it. Get over my Christian resentment, discomfort, and general skittishness. I have Christian friends - good ones, by both words - but I knew them before and during my conversion. It's new people that get my dander up. It's not attractive, as personality traits go, even if it does seem to be fairly common. So this post is about changing that over the years.
Blessed Be,
Pennanti
Said secretary has the Christian rock turned up, and every single piece of personal paraphanelia on her desk involves the word "God" on it somewhere. I just checked.
Does it make me a bad person if I feel really uncomfortable sitting here?
I don't want to be one of those people that throws tantrums and makes everybody else uncomfortable. When I arrived at work two x-mases ago, someone had put up little pictures on everyone's overheads in my department. You know, trees, stars, presents. I had a church. I quietly asked one of my coworkers if I could switch with them, since I wasn't Christian. They cheerfully did, so I had a tree with a star instead of a church. She must've told somebody, because later the Head Decorator came over to me quietly as well, asking urgently if I wanted them to take all the decorations down because they weren't allowed to make anyone feel uncomfortable with holiday stuff.
I told them no, of course not! I love Christmas as much as (and occasionally more than) the next person. I don't care if the little cartoon church is on somebody else's overhead bin. I just don't want it staring down at me on mine.
So, how much of this vague twitchiness is from my stated witchiness? And how much from my upbringing? Would I feel like this if it was a proud Jewish employee's desk I was sitting at? A Muslim's?
I don't think so. I only get uneasy when forcibly confronted with devout Christianity. And I'm not sure how justified that is.
I worry that I'll accidentally pass this on to my (hypothetical) kids, and I really don't want to.
Do I judge people I don't know when I see them wearing a cross? Possibly a little bit, in a "Be careful as you get to know them " kind of way. I know I judge people if they're wearing a cross, jesus earrings, and a giant t-shirt with the Lord's Prayer on it, but I think I get a pass on that because I judge pentacles the size of coasters in a similar way. "Look out, possible Crazy over here". It's like a little neon sign, when someone throws that much of their visual identity into their religious one.
Taun-taun has the same reaction to Orthodox Jewish folks, for much the same reason. Being raised in or tangentially related to a religion that's later rejected seems to have a hyper-sensitizing effect.
Visiting family this weekend, also brought this vague discomfort to the surface. Mind you, this is the family that I like and spend time with on purpose! The parents know I'm pagan, though there's a DADT policy in my family and no one has once asked me about it. I'm under the impression that the older cousins (13, 15) have been told to not talk about it. The younger ones know they aren't supposed to, but will sometimes bring it up around the edges. Quietly bowing my head during grace, for example. "Do you say a different grace?" "Yes." "Oh..." {hopeful pause for more forthcoming} This is the first time the 11-yr-old has been sitting next to me close enough to ask something - though I know he's noticed before. The next night, "I know it probably sounds a lot like evil chanting, but it's just what my family does!" He says it really defensively. {Insert me trying really hard not to laugh} "Oh, I know it's what you guys do. It's ok."
I can't tell if he wants to ask more, or if my discomfort is just that visible.
Also, I'd like to stop and chuckle again for just a second, at my cousin describing his own family's grace as "sounds like evil chanting".
Mostly, my point here is, I hope someday I get over it. Get over my Christian resentment, discomfort, and general skittishness. I have Christian friends - good ones, by both words - but I knew them before and during my conversion. It's new people that get my dander up. It's not attractive, as personality traits go, even if it does seem to be fairly common. So this post is about changing that over the years.
Blessed Be,
Pennanti
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